Bore draw: Our substitute WAGs are even more tedious than the football

Bore draw: Our substitute WAGs are even more tedious than the football

A friend of mine has been working abroad for a few months and is a bit homesick at the moment.

To make her feel better, I tried reminding her about all the stuff she was lucky to be missing over here (yes, rain did come up), not least the nation currently being gripped by tedious football fever.

She asked me if it was the World Cup (there’s a reason we’re friends) and I was forced to admit that although I was pretty sure it wasn’t that, I didn’t actually know what it was.

 

When a big sporting thing is going on I usually absorb at least the name of it, by osmosis or something, but this year (or however often they hold whatever’s happening) nothing’s got through. 

With no effort on my part, I’ve managed not to get dragged in even a teeny bit, by accident.

Could there be a clearer indication that our WAGs seriously need to up their game? 

The only time I’ve ever been ­interested in anything close to sport was back when the cream of the WAG crop strode down that Baden Baden street in a line a la the Here Come The Girls girls from the Boots advert.

Their fake tans were ­fluorescent, their hair GHD’d to within an inch of its life and their handbags cost more than our houses.

There were rumours of wild antics, diva strops and column inch cat-fighting, i.e. there was always either something to look at or something to gossip about, and often both.

Ridiculous our WAGs may have been, but they were also ridiculously entertaining.

Won't cut it: Coleen Rooney needs to up her game in the style stakes

 

So Coleen Rooney in low-key jeans and a checked shirt isn’t quite going to cut it, I’m afraid. 

Some of the blame for the WAG poor show must also go to the current manager, who appears to have foolishly picked his team based on how well each member plays football, rather than who they’re going out with.

There’s no David, so no Victoria, no whoever Carly Zucker goes out with, so no Carly Zucker, no Crouch, so no Clancy, no Lampard, no Bleakley.

I concede that it would have been hard to get Chezza along now she’s divorced Ashley, but I’m sure if he’d just recruited Will.i.am â€" he pops up ­everywhere, would anyone really be that surprised to see him on the pitch playing for England? â€" I’m sure she could have been tempted.

As it is, it’s a weak effort all round.

But if nothing else, Euro 2012 (look, research!) is proof that miracles do indeed happen.

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